10 Tips About Parenting And Nannies From Dr. Dad

So, you decided to have kids. Welcome to a world where you will hate weekends, never sleep, may lose traction in your career, will stress about your nanny almost daily, and will drive a little slower to get home from work on certain days.It's ok- you'll have friends in this world. We are all waiting to hug you, share coffee with you, crack open that beer and chat with you, or pour that scotch over an ice cube and vent with you. This is parenthood.

A little advice from me:

1. Hire a damn good nanny. Be her friend, but above all, be a respectful boss and a strong communicator. If and when this relationship goes down the crapper, it will be the worst collapse of all time. You need her, she needs you. Your child needs you both. Your career requires that you have her. Your wife's career requires that you have her. Be real. Be a teammate.
2. Forgive yourself for being overwhelmed with the task of taking over in the childcare department after a 50 hour week of work. Loving your children isn't always easy and it can sometimes feel like work. You pay your nanny tens of thousands of dollars a year because it IS work. Be gentle with yourself. Driving a little slower than usual on your way home? IT'S OK. You're human.
3. Nap. Guys, just do it. Take a little snooze when you can. If you get home a couple hours early and your nanny is still on the clock, tell her you need to take a little snooze before taking over with your rambunctious 3 year old. Set an alarm. Having this rest will help you be a better, more rested parent when you do take over.
4. Split duties and tasks evenly among you, your spouse, and your nanny. The housekeeper knows what she needs to do (and you're a dual income family with a nanny so you can and should take on this expense). Your nanny is a bit different though. If you have certain tasks that make your life easier on a DAY-TO-DAY basis, communicate these to her. Let your spouse know that dirty bottles drive you nuts. Don't want until you hit your breaking point to say something. Outline expectations for everyone in a way that isn't condescending. Show your nanny the home you'd like to keep- lead by example, and be a good teammate. Don't let the house get to a place where the mere sight of your living room makes you want to curl up in your closet and vomit.
5. Have friends with kids and friends without kids. Don't be that guy who just stops hanging out with the anti-pro-creators because YOU chose to have kids with your spouse. These people bring a lot of life and fun to the table.
6. Live close to your parents, if at all possible. Grandparents make awesome babysitters. I also just read somewhere that babysitting helps ward off Alzheimer's. Who knows, but it's worth a shot. If you can't make this happen, hire an agency like My Girl Friday. We did. We moved to the Raleigh-Durham area because my wife and I have careers in medicine and she's finishing a fellowship at a hospital out here. My parents live in New York, hers in Washington. We don't have the luxury of calling my mom when our nanny can't watch our kids for a date night. Use an agency that will free up babysitter referrals to you on short notice.
7. TAKE THE DATE NIGHT. We used to cancel date nights because we were tired. DON'T DO THIS. JUST DON'T. GO ANYWAY. We have a 3 year old and both work long shifts. Our child is also having trouble sleeping at night. WE ARE TIRED. This isn't going to change anytime soon. You can sleep when you're dead. Keep the love between you and your spouse alive and just go on the date. Hold her hand. Laugh with her. Order dessert.
8. Build relationships with parents who have kids the same age as yours. They are going through the same shit at the same time, so you should embrace each other and appreciate each other. JUST DON'T JUDGE EACH OTHER. Parents are just grown-up high schoolers. If Parent 1 tells Parent 2 that you thought Parent 1's child was a bully, all hell could break loose and your child's entire future could be jeopardized in a social sense... well, maybe not. But I've been there and it sucks. Keep it nice, folks. None of us really know what we are doing here. We are all winging it.
9. Host playdates. Don't be the guy who only ships his kids off to other peoples' homes. Have your kid's friends into your home as well. It's important. Give and take. Find balance.
10. Travel with your nanny. Margaret (the owner at My Girl Friday), wrote a special clause into our contract that outlined the details of how we travel with our nanny. At first, my wife said this was silly. "We only have one child. Why would we bring our nanny with us on a trip?" Margaret told us that traveling with a nanny is one of the greatest luxuries in the world, and to give it a shot if we were ever financially able to. So we left the clause and did ask our nanny to go to Palm Beach with us on vacation. GUYS, IT'S WORTH IT. My wife and I were able to dine, hit the beach by ourselves occasionally, go for a 2 hour massage and hang by the pool, and take surfing lessons all while our nanny loved on our child. We spent a ton of time hanging out with our little man and nanny, but we also got some alone time. We felt recharged at the end of our vacation, and I think our nanny did as well.

So there you have it. Take it or leave it, it's my best advice. Don't trust me because I am a client of My Girl Friday. Don't trust me because I am a doctor. Trust me because I am a father to an amazing 3 year old boy, and I love him more than words can express. I am dealing with parenthood the same way everyone else is- DAY BY DAY.Good-luck. On some days, you're going to need it.

By: Dr. Dad

(a lovely client, who asked if he could submit a piece for our blog while remaining anonymous)