Teaching Responsibility At An Early Age

You've just walked in the front door after a long ten-hour day at the office caring for patients, followed by a 30 minute commute from Chapel Hill to Raleigh, and you're greeted by a colossal mess of toys covering your living room floor. It can be frustrating, daunting, and time-consuming to clean up after your little one's day of fun.Instead of putting your living room back together yourself, teaching your child to clean up their own mess can build their self-esteem, sense of awareness, and responsibility for their own actions, which can carry into the teenage years, and throughout adulthood. In fact, Marty Rossman, a Professor at the University of Minnesota discovered in a research study that, “the best predictor of young adults’ success in their mid-20’s was that they participated in household tasks when they were three or four.” Rossman's findings also revealed that children who are given chores at a young age become better equipped to handle frustration and delayed gratification. Do I have your attention? Good! Read on!

So, how can you turn that monster mess into no big deal?

• Children learn by example, and often times, YOU'RE the example they learn by! When you're loading the dishwasher, sweeping the floors, folding the laundry, and taking out the trash, remember to turn that frown upside down and show your child that chores can be fun! Splash a little water while cleaning the dishes, do a little dance while sweeping the floors, play the "matching sock game" while folding the laundry, and challenge your child to a race to the curb while taking out the trash! Playful games like these can eliminate negative feelings about chores, and can also lighten up the mood!
• Establish clear rules with your child about cleaning up, so she/he knows what's expected of him/her, and be sure to follow through. Will the rules state that your child must put each toy back on the shelf before taking out another toy, or will the rules outline a strategy of several toys are allowed out at once, followed by a mass clean-up effort at the end of the day? This is all personal preference, and what works best for your household. But once the rules are established and everyone is on the same page about what's expected of them, it's important to stick to these rules and have consequences for times that the rules are not followed appropriately. According to Susan Stiffelman, Family therapist and Author of Parenting With Presence, Parenting Without Power Struggle, "by all means, do not clean up her messes. If you cave in and do the job for her, you will have taught her that if she whines or procrastinates long enough, she won't have to take responsibility." Following through is key.
• How can cleaning up be fun? Make it interesting! Play a game like "who can put all the books on the shelf the fastest?" or "can you clean up all of the green blocks while I clean up all of the blue blocks?" Another fun idea is to put on some tunes and ask your little one if they can clean up by the time the song is over, or have a dance party as you're cleaning up together. If you're feeling creative, you can use the tune of a song that your child will recognize, such as "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and create your own lyrics about cleaning up. Your little one will feel special hearing a new song made just for them!
• Rewards come in all shapes and sizes! Reward-based tasks can look very different depending on your child's age, or even their interests. For younger children, sticker charts can be very appealing. It's something tangible that allows your child to see their hard work has paid off. Consider offering an extra bonus when your toddler earns a certain amount of stickers, that way, she/he is working up to a goal and not just mindlessly collecting stickers. The same concept can be used for older children, if you swap out the stickers for Monopoly money! This has the added bonus of teaching your child about the value of a hard-earned dollar. If you're looking to go another route, rewards can also be given in the form of choice. Children of all ages love to make decisions on their own, so why not allow your child to pick Friday night's family dinner or the next family outing as a reward? Maybe you an allow them to choose a fun day trip outing- Marbles Museum? The Museum of Life and Science? Kidzu in Chapel Hill?
• As your child grows, so should their list of chores. Responsibility encompasses a wide range of tasks that young children can learn to take on themselves, including making their bed, filling a pet's water bowl, putting their clothes in the hamper, etc. With adult supervision, children can also learn to accomplish tasks like picking their outfit for the next day or preparing their own lunchbox and school bag for the following day.
• Don't forget to praise, praise, praise! We are often quick to scold or correct our children when they forget to do a chore, but let's not forget the power of praise! Giving your little one a high five, a hug or some encouraging words after a job well done is a wonderful way to show them that you're proud of them, happy with their accomplishment, and impressed with their abilities! Keep the positive feedback flowing!

Imagine walking into a tidy living room next time you come home from work! Imagine the sense of accomplishment on your toddler's sweet face after cleaning up his/her own toys. And imagine all the extra time you'll have at your fingertips by not being burdened as the designated toy-picker-upper! Children can learn to take on the responsibility of every day tasks even as young toddlers, which is often the best time to start teaching them. Need an extra pair of hands to help get started? Contact My Girl Friday today to discuss your needs!