Your Nanny is Quitting. Here's Why.

You’re not backing her up on discipline.

Everyone wants to say, “my kids are easy.” In every ad a nanny reads, she sees lines like, “they really are good kids.” Let’s be honest, kids are not easy. Having kids is one of the most challenging things we do as human beings and we mess up all the time where raising them is concerned. Having a nanny means one of two things: a.) you are part of a dual income family and schedules are such that you MUST have a third parent around or b.) you have a ton of kids and your spouse needs support. Either way, you have hired an awesome woman (or man) who is co-parenting with you. If you trust her with your kids, we assume you trust her parenting methods. Here is a little bit of truth where kids are concerned: they are different around certain people. Your child may be great for mommy, and really difficult for daddy. Your kids may be great for your nanny and horrible for you. Your nanny may get the bulk of the bad behavior. Whatever the case, back her up when she disciplines your child. If little Johnny was poorly behaved all day and she took away a fun evening privilege, stick to her punishment. DON’T abandon her discipline once she leaves for the evening. This isn’t for her benefit, but for the benefit of your child. Consistency is very important when co-parenting. For the daddy, mommy, nanny, and baby home to thrive, you have to be a strong team member for your other co-parents. If you fail to do this, you’ll have a confused child and a very frustrated nanny.

The schedule is bonkers and you ask her for favors constantly.

Here’s a tip- make sure you allow your nanny to have a life. This is a job for her, as well as a commitment to your family. Her family and friends matter, too. And for Pete’s sake, have a back-up sitter. Your nanny just pulled a 12 hour day with your two year old twins- NO, she doesn’t want to let you guys go out to dinner. She may say it’s cool, and occasionally it may be. Just make sure you don't make a habit of it, because she will become annoyed.

You’re watching her every move.

Have a nanny cam? Great. Your business. Have one in every room? One that rotates loudly when you pan the room? One that allows you to speak to your nanny... all the time? Unacceptable. Are you on camera every moment you’re at work? No. You’re not- I don’t care who you are. Expecting anyone to feel comfortable while they are being recorded 24/7 is absurd. It’s nerve racking and makes the nanny feel like you don’t trust her. 90% of nannies quit because they don’t feel like their employers trust them, and when we pry, this usually has to do with a nanny cam. We've had nannies say things to us like, "I'm scared there is a camera in the bathroom." This isn't cool and you're overdoing the monitoring. Our suggestion: have a few, let her know where they are, and try to immediately tackle concerns as they come up. Don't let them fester and become a huge issue. Now, this does NOT apply if she is leaving your children unattended, or is neglecting them in any way. That's a huge deal breaker and merits immediate termination.

When she is with your kids, she is a single parent.

Respect that. Most of the time, when you’re home with your kids, there are two adults in the house. This is way different from having a three kids and being the only adult. Don’t expect her to clean the whole time the kids nap. Let her sit down and read through emails, nap, watch a show, or paint her nails. She needs a breather. If you come home and the dishwasher isn’t unloaded, there is a pile of laundry to fold, and your kids are smiling and laughing- SMILE because your nanny got through a whole day, ALONE, loving your kids. The alternative to this is having a spotless house and kids that weren’t stimulated all day. Plus, if she feels like you have ridiculous standards for her time management, she’ll quit. Simple as that. Then you’re going through an agency again and finding out how hard it is on your kids every time you hire a new nanny.

You’re not remembering to give her raises, and to pay her for extra time.

Mark her one-year anniversary on your calendar. Be ready to discuss a slight bump in pay at that time. It shows respect. Also, if she’s pulling extra hours, coming in when the kids are sick and out of school, showing up on a snow day, and letting you go out for the occasional last minute date night, PAY HER FOR IT. Nothing shows appreciation like praise and money. Nannies who stay with families for 4-5 years are getting compensated well. Trust us. We want to help you keep your nanny position filled by the same wonderful woman we placed in it at the beginning of your relationship with us as an agency. Nannies who stay are the nannies who are being well compensated and appreciated by their employers.

You’re passive aggressive and that just sucks.

She can tell you’re upset, but you’re not saying anything to her about it. A simple, “hey, I really want this done differently” will suffice. Use your words. Tension creates job vacancies. This is something we have problems with regularly, and we are happy to help bridge the gap between nannies and their employers where communication is concerned. The best alternative to us interfering (which probably means your nanny is pretty upset), is to talk to her. If there is an issue, sit down with her and explain it. Be transparent. All employees appreciate this- whether in a household position or an office position.

You aren't praising her... at all.

If all she hears is criticism, she's going to become distressed. Make sure you thank her when she goes above and beyond. Appreciate the extra mile, the pureed vegetables she adds to the bread, the nutritional snacks she makes your kids, the scrapbook she helped you put together, the fact that she rollerbladed with your 10 year old for 2 hours and is sore the next day. This is all extra, and I cannot stress that enough. We consider every nanny who works for My Girl Friday to be a rockstar. Let her know you agree. We have heard all the horror stories, and we know that the alternative looks like. Praise your nanny.

You never make time to check in about the day.

When you come home, don’t just dive into a pile of kids on the floor and start playing. This is a shift change. Talk to your nanny about the activities they did, any behavioral problems that may have come up, and plans for the next day. If your nanny is scheduled to leave at 6:00pm, don’t wait until 5:58pm to start a conversation like this. These conversations need to happen on your clock, not during her off time.

You’re making her feel guilty about requesting time off.

You travel. You go to concerts. You want an occasional week to staycation. You want a long weekend every once in a while. Guess what? SO DOES YOUR NANNY. Don’t roll your eyes when she actually puts in for the time off. This is a big reason why they are quitting. If your nanny doesn’t use her paid time off, pay her for her time at the end of her contract year or let the vacation roll to the year after. Have a conversation during the interviewing process about this and lay out clear expectations so this doesn't become an issue. My Girl Friday provides excellent "floaters", so you'll have coverage no matter what!- Margaret Macfarlane, Founder